Pallet School Adventures : Kindergarten
by Axletia Rosonetis
Summary: Ash and his cousin start kindergarten. They meet two kids, but how will school go ? An evil teacher, a dumb principal, and granola bars ?A gut busting comedy ! Might be slight palletshipping. Rated T for cursing !
1. Chapter 1: Starting Day

_Pallet School Adventures Chapter 1 : Starting Day_

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So this is my first school fic. Eh. I had some inspiration from ShinyLucario with his fic. So, read, and let's see how this story goes for me !

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Ages : 

Ash - 5 - does not like school ; likes Gary

Gary - 5 - does not like school ; likes Ash , and hates the teacher

Axletia - 5 - very dominant ; has a big crush on Gary

Carid - 5 - likes school , and is a brainiac ; does not like the teacher

Teacher - pretty old and ugly

It was a rather cloudy day at Pallet Town. It was also the first day of kindergarten for Ash Ketchum and his cousin, Carid. Carid was optimistic , but Ash was having a fit.

" But _Mom _! I don't _wanna _go to kindergarten ! Can't I just stay here and you can teach me until I'm old enough to run to the woods ? "

" No Ash. As much I'd like to keep you all day, the law requires me to let you go to school. But don't worry. I'm sure you and Carid will have fun at school. "

Ash sulked. There was no persuading his mom to change her mind. Ash's mom gave him his lunch, and the two kids went on the bus.

" So, Carid ? Can we sit together ? These kids look scary ! "

" No, Ash, " Carid said to him. " Unlike you, I want to meet new friends ! Look here - there's this girl near the front seat that looks friendly. Why don't you sit with someone else ? "

" Okay. "

Ash looked around, and saw that there was not a vacant seat available , except for one. A spiky brown haired boy with a mean look on his face had a space next to him.

" Excuse me, but can I sit in the seat thingie with you ? " asked Ash.

" Whatever. I don't care ," the brown headed boy responded, obviously bored.

Ash sat next to the boy and looked at him dreamily. " Wow, he's cute , " Ash thought .

" I don't like the way you're looking at me. "

" Oh, sorry. I'm Ash Ketchum . I'm five ! "

" I'm Gary Oak ! I'm also five, but I'm going to be better in anything than you ! "

" Uh - uh ! "

" Uh - huh ! "

" Well, I'm awesome ! "

Gary looked at Ash , bewildered for a moment, and smiled again. " Okay, I guess we can be friends, but I will be better than you ! "

" Okay."

The bus skidded to a stop, and the kindergarteners entered the school. Ash was still with Gary.

"So Gary. Do you know what teacher you have ? "

" Yeah. Miss Hartford."

" I have her too ! Do you know what she's like ? "

" I hear she's ugly and she smells like poo."

" Ooh. I'm glad you're in my class. I don't wanna be with an ugly lady ! "

Ash and Gary went in a classroom, where they saw Carid with the girl from the bus.

" Hi Carid ! " said Ash !

" Hi, Ash ! You made a friend ? "

" Yeah ! I'm Gary Oak ! "

" Hi Gary ! I'm Carid , Ash's cousin ! "

" Who's your friend ? " asked Ash.

" This is Axletia Rosonetis. She's from Pallet, too ! "

" Hi. I'm Axletia ! " Axletia said. She looked at Gary, and blushed. " So, you're Gary ? "

" Yeah, that's my birthname. My real name is Cool Guy ! "

" So can we sit here ? "

" Heck, you're free to sit anywhere you want ! " Axletia replied.

Ash and Gary decided to sit with Axletia and Carid. A tall, skinny woman with a pointed wicked witch nose came in, holding duct tape in one hand, and a fat book in the other.

" You're right, Gary. She _is _ugly ! " whispered Ash.

Miss Hartford wrote her name on the chalkboard, and glared at the five year olds. " My name is Miss Hartford. I am the teacher for you pathetic kindergarteners. And I don't care if you are five. You are my students, and I will punish you for what you did naughty ! " she said, her voice like a crow.

" What does _punish _mean ? " inquired Gary.

Some of the kids snickered, and Miss Hartford turned red. She picked Gary up by the scruff of the neck, and threw him across the wall. " Little bastard ! I am _not _taking questions right now ! "

Gary started crying, and Miss Hartford whacked him in the back of the head with a ruler. " I'll give you something to cry about ! " She slapped him in the face. " Now get to your damn seat ! "

Gary went back to his seat, and Miss Hartford gave a smile with her false teeth. " Well, it seems we have some troublemakers in here. It's going to be a wonderful year with you brats. Want to know why ? " She smacked the ruler in her hand. " I'm going to make your lives a living hell, that's why. And you may try to fight back, but I will win. "

Miss Hartford continued to give her tedious lecture, and pretty soon, it was lunchtime. The kindergarteners went to the cafeteria and started eating.

" That woman is mean ! She acts like we're sixth graders or something ! " Gary muttered. " And she smells like poo."

" Don't worry, Gary. We'll get back at her, " Ash said, giving Gary a hug.

Axletia tried to give Gary a hug too , but he backed away as she was the chicken pox or something.

" What do we do about nap time ? " Axletia asked. " What if she forces us to take our naps, and doesn't let us eat our milk and cookies ? "

" I hope not , " Carid replied. " I love milk and cookies! "

" So do I ! I love Oreos the best ! " Ash replied .

" She's too cheap to spend her money on Oreos ! She probably got us those minty cookies or those healthy granola bars ! " Gary announced.

Everyone crinkled up their noses, and they went back to the class. Sure enough, Miss Hartford _did _give the kids granola bars , and they were generic.

After the kids had their snack, Miss Hartford pounded the board with her ruler for attention.

" Class ! It's time for nap time ! Everyone go to sleep, or I'll knock you out with my fists ! "

All the kids went to bed, except for Ash and Gary. They were looking at a picture book when Miss Hartford glared at them. " Well, well, well, " she said, tapping her nails. " Looks like we have a couple of bratty boys who won't take their naps. Why is that ? "

" I dunno. "

" Cause you're ugly ! " shouted Gary.

Miss Hartford threw the two boys against the wall. She growled at them, like a ferocious Houndoor. " Shut up ! " she screeched. " I don't take that crap in my classroom ! "

Gary looked at Ash angrily. " She's a witch. She's a witch, and she's gonna kill us all with her ugliness ! "

Ash looked back at Gary. " I believe you."

After school was over, and the bus was going back to their houses, the four kids were still talking about Miss Hartford.

" Why is she so mean to us ? " inquired Ash.

" Maybe she has a bug up her butt ? " guessed Axletia.

" I'm telling you, that lady is a witch ! She wants to kill us all and turn us into toads ! " Gary insisted.

" I hear Miss Hartford was once dating a wart on her back, and it popped, and nobody ever wanted to date her because that same wart grew on her nose ! "

" Eww. I'm going with Gary and Carid's answer ! She _is _a witch. She only gave me a half a granola bar ! "

" She is evil ! " Ash said.

The bus stopped, and the four kids went to their houses to talk bad about Miss Hartford.

End 

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I rated it T, mainly for the cursing, and Gary will be doing some cursing later on. P.S. I hope none of you had a teacher as evil as Miss Hartford. If you did, I give you a fake chocolate in pity.


	2. Chapter 2 : The B Bomb

_Pallet School Adventures Chapter 2 : The B Bomb _

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Today's episode - Gary and Ash have potty mouths ! Mwahahahahaha ! I don't own anything except me and Carid !

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Ash - 5 - does not like school ; likes Gary

Gary - 5 - does not like school ; likes Ash , and hates the teacher

Axletia - 5 - very dominant ; has a big crush on Gary

Carid - 5 - likes school , and is a brainiac ; does not like the teacher

Teacher - pretty old and ugly

It had now been a week since Ash, Gary, Axletia, and Carid went to their first day of school. It wasn't what any of them expected. Miss Hartford, the teacher , had beaten the crap out of Gary.

They were now on the bus, trying to find a way to get Miss Hartford pissed off.

" We should use dump a bucket of water on Miss Hartford. It worked with _The Wizard of Oz. _"

" No, Gary, " replied Carid. " She is _not _a freaking witch ! "

" Why doesn't anybody believe me ? " whined Gary.

" I believe you, Gary, " replied Ash, patting Gary on the back.

" Thanks, Ash. At least _somebody _agrees with me ! " said Gary.

Axletia glared at Ash, and the four children got off the bus. While everyone else went off the class, Ash and Gary sneaked into the boys bathroom.

" Gary, what are we doing here ? We're supposed to be in class ! " Ash hissed.

" We're playing hooky today, Ash ! "

" Why ? "

" To burn the witch ! "

" Gary, you are _nuts _! "

Gary ignored Ash, taking out a red thingie. Ash's eyes turned big. " Gary, what is that ? "

" It's a cherry bomb ! We can flush it in the toilet, and it will go KABOOM ! "

" I don't think it's a good idea, Gary. We might get uspended. "

" You mean _suspended _, you little dumb f---s ! "

Ash and Gary turned around and saw Miss Hartford standing there. Gary glared at her. " Why are you here ? This is the boys bathroom ! Can't you read ! " Gary shouted at his old teacher.

The teacher scowled, and picked up Gary. She went into the first stall, and pushed Gary's head into the toilet bowl. " You think you can skip class, do you ? Well, here's a swirlie, you little bastard ! " she growled, flushing the toilet while still plunging Gary's head in there.

Ash whimpered in fear. Miss Hartford glared at Ash. " Do you want to be next , Mr. Ketchum ? " she inquired.

" No, ma ' am. "

" Then get your tardy ass to the classroom ! "

Ash quickly ran for his life. Miss Hartford threw a bar of soap at him as he left. She turned to Gary, and gave him a toothy grin. " Say uncle, Mr. Oak , " she sneered.

" Never ! "

Miss Hartford got out a pokeball. She let out a Houndoom. " Jackie - use bite ! "

The Houndoom ripped Gary's pants off, and revealed underwear with pictures of Ash on them. Gary looked pissed. Miss Hartford gave a sneer. " Jackie, you can use flamethrower on him now ! "

The Houndoom used flamethrower on Gary. He screamed in pain. " Uncle ! _Uncleeeee_ ! " he shouted.

" Good boy, " Miss Hartford said, smirking. She left the bathroom.

Meanwhile, back at the classroom, the kids stared at Miss Hartford. She glared at them. " Well, what the hell are you little bastards looking at ? " she inquired.

The kids looked away from her, and at the door, where a scorched and wet Gary went to his seat.

He banged his head on the table quietly while the other kids looked at him as if he was crazy.

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Later at snacktime, Ash , Carid, and Axletia were trying to cheer Gary up. The plan obviously didn't work, though.

" Come _on, _Gary ! Don't you want to see me stick a crayon up my nose ? " Ash asked.

Carid took the crayon away from him. " You're not supposed to do that, Ash. Auntie says that it can give you brain damage ! " she said.

" Well, I'm trying to cheer my buddy up ! " Ash replied.

" Ash Ketchum, you are not supposed to cheer up a guy like that ! You're supposed to give him your chocolate milk ! " Axletia stated.

Ash tried to give Gary his chocolate milk , but Gary gave it back. " I have a better idea of handling this, " he said, staring at the floor.

" What, Gary ? " Ash asked the red head.

" Well, today I found out a new word by my grandpa. He said it when he stubbed his toe on the teeth of a Raticate. You know what it was ? " Gary whispered the word in Ash's ear.

" _Gary ! _That's a bad word ! " Ash scolded Gary.

Gary shrugged. " Well, it's a good word. And I'll say it out loud too. Bitch. "

Half the children in the class looked at Gary in horror. He turned to Ash. " Come on, Ash. You can say it, too. It's not that bad. "

Ash giggled. " Okay. Son of a bitch ! "

Gary patted Ash on the back. " There you go, Ashy boy ! Now let's use it in a sentence. Miss Hartford is a bitch ! "

Ash stifled a giggle. " My turn. Miss Hartford is a bitch. She is such a witch. She looks so scary - her face is so hair - "

Just then, Ash and Gary got thrown across the room and Miss Hartford clobbered them with a mallet. " You jack - asses go to the principal 's office right now ! "

Ash whimpered, and Gary snorted. " I don't wanna ! " he yelled.

Miss Hartford got a demonic look in her eyes and whacked the crap out of Ash and Gary before she sent them to the principal's office.

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" Thanks a lot, Gary ! Now we're getting in trouble ! " Ash shouted.

" I don't care. I hate school ! "

The two boys went into the principal's office. What they saw almost blinded them. Principal Fairydust was in pink underwear singing the Barbie girl song and drinking beer.

" O.o " was Ash's response.

" Son of a _bitch , _" added Gary.

The two kindergarteners looked at each other, and suspended themselves for a week.

End

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Okay. This is _my _reaction to Principal Fairydust : O.O WTF, man?!!! Okay, next time we'll have some lessons planned about shapes (hopefully) . (sighs ; bangs head on wall) It's like a trip. Shapes suck !


	3. Chapter 3: A Lesson in Shapes

_Pallet School Adventures Chapter 3 : A Lesson of Shapes

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After forty four long days later, I finally get enough inspiration to update this fanfic. So, it is awesome, and really does not follow the plotline, but... eh. Enjoy !

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Ash - 5 - does not like school ; likes Gary 

Gary - 5 - does not like school ; likes Ash , and hates the teacher

Axletia - 5 - very dominant ; has a big crush on Gary

Carid - 5 - likes school , and is a brainiac ; does not like the teacher

Teacher - pretty old and ugly

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" So, what do we do about Miss Hartford ? " Ash asked.

" I say we burn the bitch, "

" Gary, you can't solve all your problems by burning stuff, " Carid said. " Look what happened when you burned Fluffy ! "

Axletia stood next to Gary. " Fluffy was weird, anyway. "

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(_Flashback : A few days ago : _

_The four kindergarteners stood outside of Ash's house with Fluffy, who was his dad's Persian. _

_" Uh, Ash ? " Carid inquired. " Are you sure Uncle said we could play with Persian ? " _

_Ash rolled his eyes. " We call him Fluffy. And Mom and Dad have been having issues lately. So... yeah. Just another way to see Dad turn red ! " _

_Gary snickered. " Hence his name ! " _

_Ash pulled out Fluffy from the kitchen table. Gary tied him up , and Axletia took out a match. _

_" Okay. We have about ten minutes before Ash's dad comes, " Axletia explained. " So... Gary. Do your thing ! " _

_Gary grinned as he struck the match against the weird Persian, and it immediately started to get burned. The whole group started laughing, and Gary continued to grin. " That will teach Fluffy not to pee on me ! " Gary sneered. _

_Suddenly, Gary was picked up by the collar and he met the furious eyes of Ash's mom. " Gary ! How many times do I have to tell you not to bring matches over to my house ? You're going to get banned from here one of these days ! Now, be a good boy, okay ? " _

_" Yes, Mrs. Ketchum. " _

_Ash's mom grinned. " Now, let's give Persian a bath ! " _

_The kids squealed in delight. _

_End of flashback. )

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" Yeah, your dad was ultra mad ! " Gary said, snickering. " He gave a funny talking to with us ! "

Ash and Gary sighed in content. The four kindergarteners were standing inside the classroom, eating their snack of Oreos. The boys had finally went back to school after three days of " suspension " .

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_One day ago..._

_" This is awesome ! " Ash whispered. " You should cuss at the teacher more often, Gary ! That way we'll get uspended more often ! " _

_" Ash, it's suspended, " Gary corrected. " And how long do you think we have to stay here before Fluffy comes and betrays us ? " _

_Ash gave a small shrug. " I dunno. It's been about... I think three days. And Mom thinks we're still going to school. So... I really don't care. " _

_Suddenly, very fast and angry footsteps were heard. Ash quickly managed to pee his pants. _

_" Okay. We're busted, " Ash muttered._

_Gary kicked Ash where it hurts. " Dag, yo. "

* * *

_

So now Carid shook her head. " You two are weirdos. Why did you guys suspend yourselves anyway ? "

Ash shrugged. " Principal Fairydust was on beer. And we tried to stay away from school for a week, but one day Mom got this darn paper thingie and the next thing you know, she and Dad , along with Gary's dad , was standing outside of our closet. Miss Hartford snitched on us ! "

" So now we have to have revenge on her, " Gary added.

Axletia gave an evil grin. " Can I help ? "

Gary rolled his eyes and gave an agitated sigh. " Whatever. Just be quiet. "

The kids stood in silence until Miss Hartford finally decided to show up, her high heels clacking in a military - like sound. She drew a crappy circle on the board, and gave a toothy grin. " Does anyone know what shape this is ? " she asked.

Gary raised his hand, and Miss Hartford scowled at him. " Okay, Mr. Oak. What is it ? "

" It's you when you had your sixth miscarriage ! " Gary replied, grinning.

Ash peed his pants, and somebody raised their hand. " What's a miscarriage ? " she asked.

Gary took a deep breath. " When a mommy and a daddy love each other very, very much, the man does some sick things with his fireman. Nine months later, the mommy has a baby, and a whole gob of blood. Sometimes, if the mommy drinks too much, the baby becomes so retarded that it decides to leave the mommy because they hate her ! So, that is my lecture of what a miscarriage is, and where babies come from ! "

Suddenly, seventeen kids rushed to the bathroom. The only ones that stayed were Ash, Gary, Axletia, and Carid. Miss Hartford glared at Gary, and also at Ash, who was making farting noises. She put a square up to the board. " And what shape is this ? " the old woman cackled, pointing at Ash.

" Your mama ! " Ash declared proudly.

Miss Hartford threw her ruler at Ash. " THAT 'S IT ! I AM CALLING YOUR PARENTS ! " she screamed.

Ash grabbed Miss Harford's knees and started crying and peeing on her. " Have mercy, Lady Teacher ! Dad will kill me ! "

Miss Hartford just smirked. " I would love to see that . "

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_Freaking ouch, man ! I did not say Ash's dad's name in this fanfic, but if you want to guess, it's okay with me. Until next time... bye ! _


	4. Chapter 4 : Parent Teacher Meeting

Chapter 4 : Parent - Teacher Meeting

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_Yeah. I finally updated. That's why it's 1000 words. A bunch of crap happened. So... let's see what happens here...okay ? Fine. (I'll give you imaginary cookies if you read it.Or one of Ash's fluffy plushy Pikachus.)

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Ash - 5 - does not like school ; likes Gary

Gary - 5 - does not like school ; likes Ash , and hates the teacher

Axletia - 5 - very dominant ; has a big crush on Gary

Carid - 5 - likes school , and is a brainiac ; does not like the teacher Teacher - pretty old and ugly

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It was mid September. It was also finally the day of the dreaded parent- teacher meeting that Miss Hartford had promised Ash and Gary a couple of weeks before. It was after school. Gary was self confident. Ash quickly ran into the janitor's closet. Carid rolled her eyes. " Ash, why are you in the closet ? Don't you want to get this done and over with already ? " she asked.

" You so do not understand, Carid. If my parents, especially my dad, find out what's been happening, they'll ground me ! " Ash hissed. " That's why I didn't tell them. I said I was going to remedial math today ! "

" We haven't even been taught math yet, though ! "

" Wait... you didn't tell them ? " Gary asked.

" Uh, I can't ! "

Axletia attempted to bust the door open with a broom. " Quit acting like a three year old, Ash ! You're in school now ! "

_" EHHHHHH !!! "_

Suddenly, a man of twenty - five came near them. He had dark red hair, and was wearing a casual black t - shirt. He was Stephen Oak - otherwise known as Gary's dad. " Uh, hi kids. What's in the closet ? "

" Ash, Dad, " Gary replied.

Stephen sweatdropped. " You still hang out with the Ketchum kid ? "

" What's wrong with Ash ? " Gary asked.

" Well, Carid is well behaved. But Ash... his mom is ditzy and his dad is like a freaking lawyer or something. Always uptight. "

" _MY MOM IS SO NOT DITZY_ ! " Ash shouted.

Miss Hartford suddenly came over, flinging the door open. Ash started to run. The other kids sweatdropped. So did Stephen. Miss Hartford gave an inhumane growl. " We're having a chase going on ! " she exclaimed.

Ash ran as quickly as he could. " _**HEEEEELPPP ! MY CRAZY TEACHER IS CHASING MEEEEEEE ! "**_ he cried as loud as he could.

" Hey, kid ! You wet your pants ! " one person replied.

Ash started to blush. " Oops. "

He started to run again, until he rammed right into a brick wall. His backpack flew fifteen feet into the air, and a dozen people took a picture. One person looked pretty angry. A man of thirty - five with a three piece orange suit and brown hair glared at the five year old - Ash's dad.

" Uh... hi Dad. I can explain everything ! My teacher is on crack ! " Ash quickly said.

" Ash, what the hell are you talking about ? Aren't you supposed to be in math class or something like that ? "

" Math class ? What are you talking about ? We haven't even been in math class yet ! "

Ash's dad twitched. Ash nervously chuckled. " Uh, forget that last part. "

" You lied ? I told you _not _to, Red ! Now what exactly is going on ? "

" Nothing. "

Just then Ash's dad's cellphone rang. He answered it, and when he got done with the call, he glared at the kid even harder. " Parent - teacher meeting ?! What the hell did you do now ?! Nothing my _ass_ ! And I'm a Democrat ! "

Ash softly whimpered. " I am so going to get it. "

* * *

" So, when are we going to get this thing started ? " Stephen inquired.

Miss Hartford gave a grunt. " When Mr. Ketchum and his parents decide to join us. Now, be quiet, Mr. Oak ! "

Just then, Ash's mom Delia came in with a hand to her forehead. Ash's dad came in next, carrying Ash over his back, who was seriously trying to get off of him. Miss Hartford gave a toothy grin to Ash. " You can't escape me, punk. I will find you. Now we can get this thing started, Mr. Oak. "

" Don't rub it in , Miss Hartford , " Stephen muttered.

" Anyway, these two little punks have been causing trouble since day one. They have cursed, attempted to blow up a toilet, Mr. Oak has made an epidemic telling the kids where babies come from, and the other kid insulted my mother ! Now, what I want to know is which one of you parents is responsible for this whole affair ! "

" Hey, you have assulted me, too ! You called me a ----er, and gave me a swirlie in the toilet ! " Gary retorted. " Isn't that illegal ? "

" No. I have a permit, little boy, " Miss Hartford sneered. " But you on the other hand - you two are just little pricks ! "

" Can I blame Gary for this ? It is partially his fault, " Ash said.

Stephen slapped Ash in the back of his head. " Shut the ---- up ! Don't get my son involved in this ! " he snapped.

" Well, it is as much his fault as it his mine. Maybe even more ! " Ash retorted.

" And I don't like Gary hanging out with you ! "

" Hey, what's wrong with my son ? " Ash's dad demanded.

" Not this argument again ! " Delia muttered.

Stephen smirked. " Look, Giovanni. Your son is a prick. He once ran across Pewter City without any supervision. You call that child safety ? "

" Quit trying to compare me to you, Stephen ! I don't tell you how to raise your kid ! "

" Yeah. I'm glad. You'd tell me to nuke his ass whenever he's bad ! "

" That's it ! You can battle me, and we'll see who's the better man ! "

" Bring it, Ketchum ! "

" You're on, Oak ! "

Gary groaned. Ash banged his head. " I'm going to need a therapist when I'm older. "

Just as Giovanni and Stephen were about to battle right then and there, Delia bagged both of them with her purse. " You two quit it right now ! Are you adults, or ten ? I'm not handling this again. And if you two manage to wreck the office, I'm not bailing either one of you out of jail ! "

Both men sheepishly let go of their pokeballs. Miss Hartford rolled her eyes. " Obviously you're the smart one. Now I know where these two idiotic kids get their idioticy from. For now, these two will be in detention for a couple of weeks. Case closed. "

" Look , lady ! Why are you doing this ? " Giovanni asked.

" Take it with the school board in Lavender Town. I'm not responsible. "

* * *

" Our dads both have issues, Ash. "

" Yeah, I know , Gary. "

Ash and Gary crept in the car silently. Delia sighed as she buckled them in. " Kids, I'm going back home by myself. And dear ? "

" Yes, Delia ? " Giovanni replied, furrowing his brow.

" Don't do anything stupid, Giovanni, all right ? "

" I won't. "

" Good. "

Delia left the scene. Ash's dad muttered something, and Stephen grinned. " Hey, man. Can I hitch a ride with you ? "

" Yeah. I need to make a stop first, though. "

Ash turned white. " Uh, Dad ? Where exactly are we going ? "

" Oh, nowhere in particular. (The school board.) "

" What was that ? "

" Nothing. Just sit there and shut up. "

" Okay."

* * *

OO " Good gravy, Ash ! What is your dad doing ? " Gary inquired.

Ash turned very red as his dad pulled out a nuking device. " Uh, looks like he's going to blow up Lavender Town. "

Stephen sweatdropped. " Uh - oh. This does look like a very bad idea, Giovanni. Are you sure you want to stop when you're ahead ? "

" Uh, no. I take my grudges full - fledged. Unlike you, Oak. That's why you're as spineless as a Tentacool, " Giovanni coolly replied.

" Okay, then... "

_**" WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING , RED ?! "**_

" Uh, hi , Delia. Nothing in particular. "

" Uh - huh. Give me it now. "

" Can you give me five minutes, dear ? I'm almost done."

Delia snatched the remote from Giovanni and smashed it. " I told you no stupid things ! This is the final straw ! You're sleeping outside tonight ! "

" Wait... what ?! "

" I told you no more stupid stuff ! "

" Uh, this isn't stupid. It's revenge. Duh. "

_BAG !_

" Yeah. I'm going home now. You and Stephen can hitch a ride. Come on, Ash and Gary. Leave your dads to wallow in hell. "

Ash and Gary looked at each other. Ash sweatdropped. Gary scratched his head. But since they did not wanted to get bagged, they decided to go with Delia.

End

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_Nice. Our next chapter is the Christmas party at school. There will be a new student, and a surprise guest from Naruto ! Wanna find out ? Check out next chapter of Pallet School Adventures : Kindergarten ! TT _


	5. Chapter 5 : Christmas Party

Chapter 5 : Christmas Party

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_Here we go. Chapter 5.

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_

Ash - 5 - does not like school ; likes Gary

Gary - 5 - does not like school ; likes Ash , and hates the teacher

Axletia - 5 - very dominant ; has a big crush on Gary

Carid - 6 - likes school , and is a brainiac ; does not like the teacher - turned six December 21st.

Teacher - pretty old and ugly

Tracey Sketchit - 6 - likes drawing ; lived in the woods before he got a forced education by the police

Kiba Inuzuka - 5 - Naruto character ; has fleas

* * *

It was now mid December. No more warm days. The snow had dropped down on Pallet Town. Carid had turned six on the 21st of December. Ash and Gary were going to serve their detention after winter break, because Miss Hartford forgot to give the pink slips out.

Pretty soon it was the last day before winter break had settled in. For once, Miss Hartford was somewhat nice, since she was drinking spiked eggnog. The kids were happily playing with each other. And there was a new student.

" Okay, kids. This is Tracey, " Miss Harford explained, slurring. " Uh, he's five. Uh, you can sit with Oak, Ketchum, Carid, and Rosonetis, okay ? "

" Sure ! "

The perky kid named Tracey walked over to the group. Gary examined him. He was a tall kid with black hair and brown eyes. He was wearing a salmon colored bandana, and a green t - shirt. " Hi ! I'm Tracey Sketchit ! " Tracey said.

Axletia rolled her eyes. " No da. I'm Axletia. "

" I'm Carid ! " Carid said warmly.

" Ash Ketchum - five year old kindergartener ! " Ash boomed.

Gary tugged at his purple sweatshirt sleeve. " I'm Cool Guy. "

" Uh, that's Gary ! " Carid corrected.

" Oh. I like drawing ! "

Carid sweatdropped. Ash stifled a giggle, and Axletia rolled her eyes again.

" Okay, class ! Time for Christmas projects ! " Miss Hartford exclaimed. " Get in your groups, except for Mr. Oak and Mr. Sketchit because they're Jewish. "

" What does that have to with anything ?! " Gary demanded.

Miss Hartford smirked. " It means you two can sit at the table with Mr. Inuzuka over there. "

" Kiba ? " Gary looked over his shoulder to see Kiba , who was scratching his head. " He has fleas, though ! "

" Oh, well. Deal with it ! " Miss Hartford replied, shoving Gary and Tracey towards the itching boy.

Ash started to cry. " _NO ! NOT MY BOYFRIEND ! "_

Carid banged her head. " It's going to be a long day. "

* * *

(With Gary, Tracey, and Kiba )

Kiba started to pick his nose. Tracey took out a colored pencil out of a pocket and started to doodle. Meanwhile, Gary was looking at the other children, who were drinking Hawaiian Punch. He looked at his crappy off brand apple juice carton. " This stinks. It's like World War Two all over again ! " he muttered.

Tracey poked Gary's arm. " No, it isn't ! I get to know you better ! "

_WHACK !_

" YOU ' RE A NERD ! " Gary hissed.

Tracey started to cry. Kiba chuckled. " Yeah. Such a nerd. "

" I know, right ? At least someone agrees with me ! " Gary said.

* * *

(With Ash, Axletia, and Carid)

" Wow. I can't believe Gary is Jewish, " Ash muttered.

" Uh, Ash. Didn't seeing Gary and his parents go into a synagogue give you a hint ? " Axletia replied. " No da. You don't deserve Gary. "

Carid fiddled with her glasses. " I wonder how long it will take until Gary cracks. I say give it til the end of the day. "

" Uh, I would give it about five seconds, actually... " Axletia trailed off. " Gary's being attractive again ! "

The three kindergarteners saw Gary attacking the very crappy browned Christmas tree with his carton of crappy apple juice. " Try to give me apple juice, why don't you ?! Well, I'm allergic to apple juice, Miss Hartford ! " he cried.

The other students stared. Kiba scratched his head, this time out of frustration. " I told you not to go through it until Tracey got the matches ! " he loudly whispered.

Miss Hartford glared at Gary, Kiba, and Tracey. " Yeah... "

_SMACK !!!!_

The teacher smacked Gary and started to beat him with her eggnog ladle. Tracey managed to cry himself out of it. Kiba sighed and turned to Ash. " Uh , is he like this all the time ? " Kiba inquired.

Ash nodded. " Yeah... "

Miss Hartford gave her toothy smile. " You, Mr. Inuzuka and Mr. Sketchit, will be having detention after the new year. Remember that. "

* * *

(After school...)

" Whoa. End of the year already. IT'S AWESOME ! " Ash called out.

" Yeah. And aren't your parents going to have the New Year's celebration at their house this year, Ash ? " Axletia inquired.

" Whoa. I totally forgot. "

Gary groaned. " The end of the year will end badly. "

" Yeah. " Carid scratched her head. " Maybe you shouldn't invite your dad to the party, Gary. "

" I won't. My dad and Ash's dad certainly do not get along at all. Yeah, it's horrible. I know. "

The four kids stood on the sidewalk. Tracey came by them and smiled. " HI ! "

_WHACK !_

" SHUT UP, SKETCHIT ! " Gary shouted.

And with that, everybody started to laugh.

End

* * *

_Weird. Next chapter is going to be even weirder. Will the Ketchums and the Oaks scar their children for life ? Let's hope so. _


	6. Chapter 6: New Year's Eve

Chapter 6 : New Year's Eve

* * *

_Right...things get palletshippy in this chapter. On Ash's side. Enjoy. .

* * *

_

Ash - 5 - does not like school ; likes Gary

Gary - 5 - does not like school ; likes Ash , and hates the teacher

Axletia - 5 - very dominant ; has a big crush on Gary

Carid - 6 - likes school , and is a brainiac ; does not like the teacher - turned six December 21st.

Tracey Sketchit - 6 - likes drawing ; lived in the woods before he got a forced education by the police Janine Ninpoison - 7 - Gym Leader Koga's daughter

Sabrina Psycron - 16 - babysitter ; not yet the gym leader of Saffron

* * *

" So...Gary. Are you sure the Ketchums aren't weird ? " Stephen shakily asked.

" Nope, " Gary replied, knocking on the door.

_**" ASH KETCHUM, I TOLD YOU FOR THE FIFTH TIME TO PUT ON YOUR GOT DAMN PANTS ! "**_

"_ I'LL NEVER PUT MY PANTS ON, DAD ! NEVEEEER ! "_

The door flinged open and hit Gary right in the face. Ash ran as fast as he could without any pants on, or underpants. Unfortunately, his dad tackled him and dragged him by the leg. " _**NOOOO**, DAD ! NO MORE **PANTSSSS**_ ! " Ash screamed, kicking his other leg.

" _YOU'RE WEARING PANTS IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO !_ " Giovanni roared, shoving Ash back inside and slamming the door.

Stephen glared at Gary. " T.T Well, Gary. This proves my point. The whole Ketchum family is screwed up. Why are they having the New Year's party at their house again ? "

" Grandpa. "

Just then, Carid came over. " Hi, Gary ! Hi, Mr. Oak ! Uh, Axletia is staying over at her house tonight. "

" At least she has sense, " Stephen muttered.

" Oh, but Tracey is coming over here ! " Carid sighed.

Tracey popped out of nowhere with a bag of Cheetoes. " I got food ! " he happily exclaimed.

Stephen continued to glare at Gary. " This is the weird kid you were talking about earlier. Who the hell invited him ? "

" Ash's mom. "

Stephen groaned. Gary grinned as he picked up Tracey and threw him in a faraway lake. " Don't worry, Pops. Sketchit isn't going to be a problem tonight. " Gary said with a broad grin.

" Good one , Gary ! "

_" I WILL NEVER WEAR PANTS ! NEVEEEEEEEER ! "_ Ash screamed as he once again scrambled from inside the house, kicking off his blue sweatpants.

This time Delia came out, her dress sopping wet. "_ THIS IS THE LAST TIME I HAVE YOU PUSH ME IN THAT BLOODY TOILET, RED !_ " she cried, chasing Ash around the tree with her purse.

Carid sweatdropped and rolled her eyes. " I don't understand how I'm related to him. Honestly. Maybe I'm adopted, " she whispered to Gary and Stephen.

" Yeah. Maybe you are, " Gary whispered back.

Stephen just groaned. " I hate my life. "

* * *

For a half an hour Carid, Gary, and Stephen watched Ash running away from both his parents because of the dreaded pants. Then, without his mom and dad knowing, Ash dived in a bush. " YAY ! NO MORE PANTS ! " he loudly whispered.

" Ash, you are a f---ing idiot ! " Stephen hissed.

" Yeah, but that was pretty cool , " Gary commented.

Stephen gave a small smile. " Yeah, that was pretty cool, Ketchum kid. But please don't act that way at the party. "

A rustling noise was made. " Don't worry - as long as I don't have any caffeine, I will be fine ! " Ash said in a small voice.

" No, you won't, Ash, " Carid replied.

" And why is that, Four Eyed Dork ? "

" Uh, cause Fluffy snitched on you. "

_**" NOOOOOOOO ! I DON'T WANNA WEAR PANTS !!!**_ " Ash screamed, once again getting out of the bush.

_BAG ! BAG ! BAG !_

_**" THAT ' S IT , MISTER ! YOU ARE GROUNDED !**_ " Delia shouted, taking Ash by his shirt collar and dragging him back to the house.

O.o (Carid)

-.- (Gary)

T.T " See, I told you, Gary. And why do you want to be friends with Ash again ? " Stephen inquired.

" (I dunno.) "

* * *

After a looong time, things had finally settled down a little. Everyone was inside Ash's house. Carid was coloring a picture of a dragon eating Ash. Ash was staring rather dreamily at Gary, having wedding visions. Gary was happily throwing forks at his dad. And Stephen was glaring at Ash's dad, who was glaring back. " Why does my son like your son ? " Stephen asked.

" Why does your son look at my son like he's a freaking pervert or something ? " Giovanni countered.

" Probably because he's more like an idiot than a pervert, " Stephen coolly replied.

" Your kid is the one who's the idiot ! " Giovanni hissed.

" Well, why did Ash get detention ? "

" Hey, your kid also got detention, so I wouldn't be rubbing it in, Oaky. "

" Yeah, why don't we have a battle before the party starts , then. "

" I can't. I'm on probation. "

O.o " Okay, then... I'll just leave you at that, Ketchum. "

" Wow ! I didn't know your dad was on probation, Ash ! " Gary stated.

" I think it had to do with the flask, " Ash replied, shrugging it off.

" Are we going to have fun at the party ? " Gary asked.

Carid shook her head. " Probably not. "

* * *

At last the party started around six o' clock. All the adults were sitting around the couch, bored. Meanwhile, Ash, Gary, Carid, and Janine were in Ash's room, having already eaten dinner, with their babysitter, Sabrina, who was extremely bored and emo. " This sucks. I can't believe I got stuck with babysitting you little twerps, " she muttered.

" Hey, lady ! You shouldn't use the word sucks ! " Ash scolded.

_CONFUSION !_

" Uh, where am I ? " Ash asked in a daze.

Sabrina shook her fist. " Yeah. I'm psychic. And if anyone has a problem with that, I will hurt you, and then I will cut myself ! Is that clear ? "

All the kids nodded. Sabrina gave a cruel smile. " Good. Now, I'm going to teleport to see my boyfriend in Lavender Town. You kids try to snitch on me, and I will sic my Abra on your asses ! Are you good with that ? "

More nods.

" Good. "

TELEPORT !

Ash hugged his pillow. " This stinks. Our babysitter is emo. And who are you again ? " he asked, pointing at Janine.

Janine rolled her eyes. " I am Janine Ninpoison ! I am seven ! I am daughter of Koga, leader of Fuchsia City. I train with Aya, his sister ! Plus, I have a couple of these ' kunee ' knives and a pokemon ! "

The others facefaulted. Gary huffed. " Wow, you have knives ? Your dad is soo awesome ! "

Janine scratched her head. " It's only to be used in self - defense, though. "

Ash threw his pillow in the closet and quickly stood up. " There is_ no_ way in Golem that you have a pokemon, Janine. You're only seven ! "

" Well, my dad gave it to me. Wanna see ? "

" Sure ! " Carid replied.

Janine wagged a pokeball. " Sorry, I can't. But this has a Bellsprout in it. My starter. When I'm ten, I'm going in the Ninja Academy in the Leaf Village to strengthen my bond. Then later on, I'll take over the gym ! "

Carid looked impressed. Ash gawked at the pokeball. Gary rolled his eyes. " Whatever. I wanna see the knives ! " he cried.

The ninja girl sighed and rolled her eyes. " Fine. " She handed Gary a kunai knife. " Go crazy, Oaky. "

Gary gave a mischievous grin as he aimed and throwed the knife at Ash's heinie. The black haired kid shrieked in pain. " OW ! What the heck was that for, you ----er ? "

" Uh, for calling me that, Reddy, " Gary said, smirking.

"_ NO CALLS ME REDDY ! "_ Ash roared, tackling Gary to the ground.

Once again Carid and Janine watched as Ash and Gary started another brawl.

* * *

( 7 : 30 )

- knock knock knock -

" Uh, who is it ? " Carid inquired.

Tracey came in, with a fish on his head. " Hi ! I finally got out of the lake that Gary threw me in ! "

_**SHOVE IN WINDOW !**_

Gary dusted his hands off. " Problem settled. "

* * *

( 9 : 00 )

" I am so BORED ! " Ash cried, muffling his face in his pillow. " When will Sabrina come back ?! "

" Probably never, " Janine said, giving a groan.

Carid paced back and forth in Ash's room. " Well, should we stay up until midnight ? "

Everyone looked at Carid. Gary gave the thumb's up. " Yeah ! None of us has stood up til midnight before ! " he said gleefully.

Ash jumped off the bed. _**" YEAAAAAAAAAAH ! LET'S TAKE OUR PANTS OFF NOW ! "**_

**DE - PANTED !**

O.o " Ketchum, you are obsessed with pokemon ! " Gary cried, gawking at Ash's underwear with Charmeleon printed on there.

" Yeah, I know ! I even got a Geodude action figure ! " Ash exclaimed, showing Gary the Geodude action figure.

-.- " Uh, Ash ? You are insane ! " Janine growled, hitting Ash with a kunai knife.

" Yeah, I know ! "

* * *

(11: 55 )

By eleven - thirty all four kids were tired. Ash had almost fallen asleep, had not Gary tied him to the closet. Janine was twirling her kunai around. Carid looked at the clock. " Uh, we have five minutes ! " she said.

Gary hugged Ash's Geodude figure. " Cool ! But I feel so high. Was it really worth it for a bunch of kindergarteners and Janine to stay up this late ? "

_" OF COURSE IT WAS, GARY_ ! " Ash cried. " I love you ! "

O.o " Didn't need to know that, Ketchum. "

Finally the countdown started. The kids started chanting. " Ten , nine, eight, seven, six , five , four, three , two, ONE ! HAPPY 2003 ! " they all cried.

Then, Ash took Gary forcefully and kissed him on the lips. " I LOVE YOU, GARY OAK ! " Ash cried.

_SMOOCH !_

Gary shot back and started spitting. " **_EWWWWW ! ASH - WHAT THE F--- DID YOU JUST DO ?! YOU GAVE ME COOTIES ! "_**

He opened the door wide and shot down the stairs. Ash followed him. " Gary, wait ! This is a new year ! I really do love you ! "

_" GET AWAY FROM ME, KETCHUM !_ I do _**not**_ like you that way ! " Gary hissed.

Gary continued to back off while Carid and Janine had both passed out from both sleep and shock. Ash continued to try and get closer. " Come on, Gary ! Quit acting like such a sissy and let me kiss you again ! "

" Who are you kissing, Ash ? "

It was Ash's dad, who very surprisingly, was not drunk, unlike Delia, who was passed out on the couch after drinking a whole bottle of champagne. ( -.- ) Ash gave a nervous chuckle. " Uh, no one, Dad. "

" Why are you two even up in the first place ? Did Oaky's son give you Mountain Dew ? "

Ash glanced at Gary, who glared at him. " Uh, no. Gary's cool. We're just having an argument ! " he lied.

" You know that's not the truth, Fruity ! You kissed me, and you gave me cooties ! " Gary countered, wiping his lips.

Giovanni glared at Ash. " Ash, if you were going to go gay on me, you could have done it with any other person. But why the hell did you pick Oaky ? "

" Cause I love him, Dad ! "

_FACEFAULT ! THUMP !_

Ash waved a hand at Gary. " Okay, Gary ! See you later ! " he said, yawning.

Gary sweatdropped as he very , very slowly left the house.

End

* * *

_Whoa. Next chapter will finally show the detentions of Ash and Gary. And they will wreak havok ! XD _


	7. Chapter 7: Detention

Chapter 7 : Detention

_Here's our cast, and we should go on :p_

* * *

Ash - 5 - does not like school ; recently kissed Gary on the lips

Gary - 5 - does not like school ; is very creeped out by Ash's kiss ; still hates teacher

Axletia - 5 - very dominant ; crush on Gary has grown

Carid - 6 - likes school , and is a brainiac ; does not like the teacher

Tracey Sketchit - 6 - likes drawing ; lived in the woods before he got a forced education by the police ; person who the kids beat up on

Daisy Oak - 8 - (flashback appearance) ; Gary's older sister - second grader

Kiba Inuzuka - 6 - Naruto character ; got detention after following one of Gary's schemes

Teacher - pretty old and ugly

* * *

School was back in session January 6th. Everyone groaned, but they knew they had to deal with it... well, except for Ash Ketchum.

" Why do I have to go back to school, Dad ? " he asked Giovanni, who was glaring at him as they waited at the bus stop.

" One - your mother and I have been having problems. Two - damn Social Services will get on my ass. Three - you are a pain in the neck, especially on my off days. And four - you just have to, Ash. "

Ash nodded and then kicked his dad in the shins. " _I AM NOT GOING TO DETENTION _! " he screamed.

The little black haired boy crept out and went under one of the bushes. A hand touched him. " Ketchum, is that you ? " the voice said in a whisper.

Ash chuckled. " Yes, Oaky. You're ditching school , too ? "

" No. More like ditching you. "

" Oh. About New Year's... I was on a freaking sugar rush, okay ? But, I know you. You're ditching detention ! "

Gary rolled his eyes. " Eh, unlike _your_ family, my pops said it was okay with him. "

* * *

_(Gary's flashback ; fifteen minutes earlier) _

_Gary nudged Stephen's arm. " Yo, Dad ! " _

_" zz - Huh ? " _

_" Can I ditch school so I won't have to go to detention ? " _

_Stephen gave a small laugh. " Hey, if you want to be a retarded hobo when you're older, that's your choice ! If you want to, go ahead ! " _

_" Thanks, Dad ! " _

_Daisy put down her hairbrush and looked at her dark brown hair in the mirror. " Gary, you are such an idiot. You'll still have to go to detention sooner or later. " _

_" Not if I keep ditching, Sissy ! " _

_" Whatever. Don't cry to me when you can't keep a decent job. If Mom were he - " _

_" You know Mom ditched us because she cheated on Dad ! So, shut up, Daisy ! " _

_**SLAP !** _

_" You're such a twerp. Sometimes I wish your friend Ash was my brother instead of you ! " _

_" Yeah, and I wish you weren't such a got darn bitch ! " _

_**PUMMEL ! SLAP ! SLAP !** _

_" DAD ! Tell Gary not to call me the b - word all the time ! " _

_Stephen patted Gary's head. " Yeah, Gary. No cursing at your sister until you're seven ! " _

_" It's a deal, Dad. I gotta go. See ya later ! " Gary cried, rushing out of the Oak house. _

* * *

O.o " Whoa, Gary. I wished I had parents like you... " Ash said.

* * *

_(Ash's flashback - fifteen minutes earlier ) _

_" ASH KETCHUM, YOUR BUS IS GOING TO LEAVE IN FIFTEEN MINUTES ! " _

_Ash glared at his bedroom door. " But, Mooom ! I don't wanna go to school ! My teacher is such a freaking bitch ! " _

_Delia yanked the door open and started to slap Ash's mouth. " None of that potty language in my house until you're fourteen, young man ! Now, get dressed ! " _

_Ash reluctantly got out of bed with a thump. _

_... five minutes later... _

_chomp-chomp-chomp-chomp-chomp ! _

_" Uh, Ash ? There is a thing called a fork and swallowing. Could you try using it for once ? " Delia asked. _

_" THIS CEREAL IS SOOO GOOD, THOUGH ! " _

_" I think what your mother is trying to say is to **STOP SLURPING OUT OF THE DAMN BOWL LIKE A FREAKING SNORLAX ! " **_

_Ash grinned at his dad. " Okay. Do you want some cereal ? " _

_Giovanni scratched his head. " I guess so... " _

_" Okay, then ! " _

_Ash picked up his bowl and threw it into Giovanni's face - milk, cereal, and all. The man stood up and started to chase Ash around the table. " That is it, Red ! **YOU ARE GOING TO SCHOOL, AND I WILL MAKE SURE OF IT !! " **_

* * *

T.T " You threw a bowl of cereal in your dad's face, " Gary muttered. " Ash, you have problems. "

" Yeah, I know, Gary ! "

The two boys sighed as a rustling noise came within the bush. Ash paled. " Uh, Gary ? What is that ? "

" Gee, Ketchum. I have _nooo_ idea ! "

The two boys looked at each other. A Weedle looked at both of them.

" Oh, it's just a Weedle, " Gary sighed in relief.

" Uh, Gary ? "

" Yeah ? "

" I peed my pants. "

_**" AAAAAAHHHHH !**_ _**GET AWAY ! UNCLEAN ! UNCLEAN ! UNCLEAN**_ ! " Gary shrieked.

He jumped out of the bush. Ash followed him. " Wait, Gary ! Don't leave me here ! I don't wanna be alone ! "

They started to run until they bumped into Ash's dad, who had a small smirk on his face. " Ah. I should have known that you would be with Oaky, Ash. "

Gary raised a finger. " Actually, he just followed me. I was ditching by mysel - "

" I don't care ! The school bus has already left, so I'll have the courtesy to forcefully escort you two to school ! "

Ash and Gary both glared at Giovanni. Ash rolled his eyes. " Make me, Dad. "

" Okay, then. If you insist... go, Persian ! "

Fluffy came out and growled at Ash and Gary. (And let's not discuss the chasing and the biting of Ash's sorry heinie, because it gets a tad too violent XD. )

* * *

" So, does anyone know where Ketchum and Oak are ? " Miss Hartford inquired, tapping her ruler.

" Uh, they probably ditched. It's a dumb idea that they would probably try, " Carid stated.

" Okay, then. I will just have to torture them more then. "

Suddenly, the door flung open, and Ash and Gary were pushed inside the door. Miss Hartford gave a cackle. " Ah, what happened to you little retards ? Couldn't find the door ? It's nine o ' clock ! "

Ash shook his head. " Nope. And we learned a lesson. "

" Yeah ? "

Gary piped in. " _Never_ upset Ash's dad. "

* * *

(12 : 05 )

Ash, Gary, Tracey, and Kiba were sitting around a round table. Tracey was sobbing. Kiba was scratching his head with his foot out of boredom. Miss Hartford turned on a television screen. " Okay, kiddies. You will be here for today , and only today, because I hate babysitting you brats. You will direct your attention to the TV screen. "

Gary grinned. " Cool, so we get to watch TV ? "

" Yes, Oaky. Enjoy, " Miss Hartford said, cackling.

She left the room and locked the door. Ash hugged his pillow. " Cool. We get to watch TV for three hours. This is going to be awesome ! "

Suddenly, the Teletubbies flashed upon the screen. Ash, Gary, and Kiba sweatdropped. Ash peed his pants. " No... _**NOOOO ! " **_

_**" THIS IS HORROR !**_ " Gary screeched.

" - scratch - " Someone, turn off the tube ! "

Gary pressed the off switch. It kept playing. " It's not turning off ! The button must be broken ! "

Tracey grinned. " Cool ! I like the Teletubbies ! "

" -cough - cough- (Gay.) "

" I don't care, Gary. I like them ! " Tracey shouted.

Kiba raised a hand. " Hey, let's play suicide ! "

Ash looked confused. " With what ? "

" The tube. "

The three boys grinned as they tackled Tracey and used him as a baseball bat, hitting the television screen several times. Finally, the tape of the Teletubbies forcefully ejected out of the VCR. Tracey slumped down on the ground and started bawling. Kiba started to smack the young artist. Ash and Gary gave each other a high five. " Now what do we do, Oaky ? " Ash asked.

" Wreak havok ! But first, hand me the tape ! "

Ash handed Gary the VCR tape. The little boy took out a match and struck the tape with it, burning the horrid Teletubby video. Ash, Gary, and Kiba whooped with excitement.

Then, the radio started to play Tom Jones. Ash paled. " Oh, nooo ! That's the kind of crud that my retarded dad listens to ! Quick, let's play suicide with the radio ! "

" One problem though, Ketchum, " Gary said. " Where is the radio at in this place ? "

-stare- " How the heck am I supposed to know ? I'm only five ! "

Everyone except Tracey started to scream. Somebody pounded on the door. It was Gary's sister, Daisy. " Uh, would you guys shut up, already ? Our class is trying to learn ! " she shouted through the other side of the door.

" Yes, Daisy ! " Ash called out.

The three boys started to hurt each other so they could knock each other out. It didn't work, though, and they came home with a lot of bruises.

* * *

" Good gravy, Ash ! What happened to you ? " Carid inquired.

Ash bowed his head. " We listened to Tom Jones for three hours straight. And we tryed playing suicide, but it didn't work. "

Axletia looked at Gary's bruises. " Oh, my poor Gary ! Why did you do that ? "

" 'Cause you're not my girlfriend. (Thank God) "

The crazy one started to hug Gary tightly. " At least I didn't give you cooties, Gary ! "

" Yeah, I'm glad. "

- shove ! -

Ash sighed. " So... how do we tell our parents that we tried to kill ourselves ? "

Gary rolled his eyes. " Simple, Ketchum. We don't. "

" That's a bad idea, " Carid murmured.

" No, it isn't, Carid, " Ash said.

" Yeah, it is. "

" Whatever. I'm going home, " Ash replied, picking up his bag.

* * *

(Next day...)

" It was a bad idea, Carid, " Ash and Gary said in unison.

" I told you guys . What happened ? "

Gary gave a small smile. " I told a lie. "

Ash scratched his head nervously. " And I told the truth..."

* * *

_(Gary's flashback) _

_" Hi, Dad ! " Gary called out happily. _

_" Hey, Gar... where did you get your bruises ? " Stephen inquired. _

_" I got abducted by aliens. " _

_Stephen grabbed a straw hat and a shotgun. " I knew that U.F.O.s exist here in Kanto ! Gary, call Lt. Surge on the phone ! We're going on an alien hunt today ! " _

_" Okay ! " _

_The little boy grabbed the phone. Daisy sighed. " Gary, you are such an idiot. And so is Dad. " _

* * *

" He's still at it ! He won't be back until tomorrow, so I'm staying at Grandpa's today ! "

Ash glared at Gary. " Lucky you. "

* * *

_(Ash's flashback) _

_" Hi, Mom ! " _

_" Hi, sweetie... did you wet your pants again ? " _

_Ash chuckled. " Yep. " _

_Delia rolled her eyes. " You can't keep having accidents at school, Red. People will think you have a bladder problem ! " _

_" But I do ! " _

_" ... hey, how did you get those bruises, sweetie ? " _

_" Oh, me, Gary, and Kiba were playing suicide and trying to kill each other because we were getting tortured with Tom Jones. " _

_" I TOLD YOU NOT TO HIT OTHER PEOPLE, ASH ! " Delia shouted. _

_SLAP ! SLAP ! _

* * *

o.o " Ouch, Ketchum, " Gary said.

" I don't wanna talk about it, " Ash replied.

" Yeah... let's just keep it at that. "

End

_Yeah... okay, I don't think Gary has a sister in the anime, but in the games, he has a sister called Daisy. Now, in the manga, her name is May, but I'm using the name that the games have provided for her, mainly because I have not read the manga. _

_uh, I kinda made up the term 'playing suicide'. It pretty much means breaking the crap out of things, and also trying to kill one another. And I may use that term in other fanfics, so... don't be surprised._

_Anyway, next chapter is MLK Day ! I'm thinking of a crossover between them and Lil' Bush. So... that's a heads up. Until next time, see ya. _


	8. Chapter 8: MLK Day

* * *

Chapter 8 : MLK Day

_Behold ! The retardation of Chapter 8 ! _

Ash - 5 - does not like school ; recently kissed Gary on the lips

Gary - 5 - does not like school ; is very creeped out by Ash's kiss ; still hates teacher

Axletia - 5 - very dominant ; crush on Gary has grown

Carid - 6 - likes school , and is a brainiac ; does not like the teacher

Teacher - pretty old and ugly

Principal Fairydust - somewhere between 40 to 55 - the drunk principal that no one actually pays attention to

* * *

Lil George Bush - 8 - Republican ; got held back from the first grade twice for total retardation ; very short for his age

Lil Condi - 8 - purposely failed kindergarten twice ; very smart, but has a big crush on Lil Bush (for reasons reasons that I cannot understand)

Lil Rummy - 8 - one of Lil Bush's cronies ; argumentive ; gets into liquor very often

Lil Cheney - 8 - one of Lil Bush's cronies ; babbles a lot got held back twice because teachers thought him crazy when he was dating as pillow

(Note : Guest rivals from the other kindergarten class ! - also characters from Lil Bush - do not own them, either.)

* * *

Most kids get the day off for Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Unfortunately, not for Ash and his friends.

Principal Fairydust got up on the podium with his whiskey flask in his hand. " Okay, little kindergarteners (hic) ! Does anyone (hic) know wh(hic)at day it is ? (hic-hic-hic!)

Ash raised his hand. " Is this the day where you finally give up being a retarded principal and go to rehab for your alcoholism ? "

" NO ! "

Gary snickered. " Is this when you sing another song from the band Aqua, like the Candyman Song ? "

-twitch- " No, you little (hic) bas(hic)ta(hic)rd. "

Carid raised her hand. " It's MLK Day, isn't it, Mr. Fairydust ? "

Principal Fairydust nodded. " Yeah, but it's ' Fertiledust ' , not (hic) Fairydust ! "

" You sure it isn't Fertiled--k ? " Gary asked.

The other kids started to giggle. Principal Fairydust glared at Gary. " (Hic) Heeey ! For your information, it used to be, but I changed it back in (hic) '72 ! " he slurred.

The bald man looked at the twenty-two kids confusedly with his small blue eyes. He gave a shrug as he ripped off his suit to reveal a pink frilly jumpsuit with wings attached to the back. " Now, who wants to see my performance ? "

He climbed off the podium. " Ohh--ohh--ohhh ! I wish that you were my lolli(hic)pop ! Sweet things I will never get e(hic)nough ! If you show me to the sugar tree, will you give me a soda(hic)pop for free ? "

The man started to dance and continued to sing badly to Lollipop (Candyman) from the group Aqua. -- (_do not own the song ; so pleeease don't sue me_) All the kids sweatdropped. Miss Hartford slapped her head. " God, Steve, you could have _least_ done this with the first graders instead of these dumb brats, " she muttered.

She turned around and glared at the kids. " Yeah... you kids can just leave now. I have to hurt him. "

Gary grinned. " So... you're gonna make out with him ? "

_**" GET THE F-- OUT OF THE SCHOOL BEFORE I SHOOT YOUR F--KING BRAINS OUT, OAKY ! "**_

-sigh- " Freezing priest, I didn't think you'd be that pissed off at me. Is Principal Fertiled--k your boyfriend ? "

Ash chimed in. " No, Gary. I think she's just a who- "

**DETENTION !**

* * *

" _Wow_, Ketchum. Once again you are the cause of our detentions, " Gary sarcastically replied. " Way to go ! "

" Whatever. And... why are you two here again ? " Ash asked, pointing to Carid and Axletia.

Carid shrugged. " Eh. I have nothing better to do. And Axletia just came because she wants to gawk at Gary more. "

" I do_ not_ ! "

" So why do you have a shrine to Gary then ? "

" Art project. "

" Ri_iiiiii_ght. "

Carid rolled her eyes. Axletia gave a wide grin. " Yeah... does anyone have some sugar ? Or maybe some 'marijoouana' ? "

-.- " Axletia. Are you high again ? " Gary inquired.

" Uh, yeah. I had a whole can of Pepsi before I came here ! "

T.T " Of course. Caffeine... "

" SHUT UP , KETCHUM ! " Axletia cried.

_PUNCH !_

Axletia gleefully left, and so did Carid. Ash rolled his eyes and Gary just shrugged. " God, I hate her, but I can't tell her or she'll set my house on fire. I'm sure you'll deal with stalkers somewhere in your life, Ketchum, but they're probably going to be tax men from the IRS. "

" Eh. Girls are icky. "

" Is that why you went gay on me ? "

-glare- " No, Oaky. I had a sugar high that night ! "

"... yeah. Anyway, I have an idea. Why don't we go over to the other kindegarten class to see if we can make mischief ? "

" Ya mean Miss Moo's class with that fat chick with no hair as the teacher ? "

" Duh. "

" Sure ! "

Gary threw his notebook across the room and gave a broad grin. Ash threw his juice box up at the light fixture, immediately burning out the light bulb.

The two boys toddled on to the other classroom. A woman with a few strands of bright red hair was sleeping on the desk with a newspaper and a doughnut in her hands. Ash rolled his eyes, but then he spotted the kids and groaned. " Oh, great. It's the Lil' Republicans ! "

" You mean those short versions of those government guys ? " Gary asked.

The leader, Lil' George, glared at Gary. " Hey, we are not short, " he said in a Texas drawl. " We... are American ! "

Lil' Condi started to wave the American flag. As Lil' Rummy poured some whiskey on the flag, Lil' Cheney started to make his speech. " Ra - ra - ra - ra - ra - _raaaaa _- ra - ra - ra - ra - ra -** _raaaaa_** ! (-- to the tune of Star Spangled Banner) "

Lil' Bush bowed to the flag. " Yeah. Respect the flag, and milk ! "

Gary scratched his head out of confusion. " Dude... you know this isn't America, right ? This is Kanto. "

" Well, _we_ have whiskey... " Lil Rummy said. " ...in America ! "

Ash grinned. " And_ we_ have poisonous Quilfish ! "

Lil' Bush rolled his eyes. " Whatever. We're here to respect MLK day, and get some chocolate milk outta appreciation. "

-.- " Uh, Lil' George ? " Lil' Condi interrupted. " Uh, that's not what MLK day stands for. "

" You don't know anythin, Lil' Condi. You're just a girl, " Lil' Bush replied. " Now, get me and those r-tards some milk ! "

Lil' Condi's face turned red. " That's it ! I'm _not_ repeating this bulls--t scene again on a fanfic. I'm out of here ! "

She stomped off in anger, where Carid was staring at her. " Hey, Lil ' Condi ? Do you want to go for ice cream ? "

" Sure. "

The two girls walked far away from the classroom. Lil' Rummy, drunk as he was, followed them, which left Ash, Gary, Lil' George, and Lil' Cheney standing in a circle glaring at each other.

" So... are you guys Democrats, or Republicans ? " Lil' George asked.

Ash waved a plush donkey in his hands. " I'm a Democrat ! "

" Yeah... but isn't our government a constitutional monarchy ? " Gary inquired.

" I dunno, actually, but... what the heck ? I'm still a democrat ! "

Lil' Cheney started to talk (and we are going to translate this). " Ra-ra-ra-you suck-ra-ra-ra ! "

" Lil' Cheney makes a point, " Lil Bush said. " You kids do suck ! "

Gary shoved Ash aside. " Hey, at least we didn't get held back twice ! " he exclaimed.

" Well, that's because we're smartified ! " Lil Bush countered.

...gRRR...(and this is Ash)

* * *

_PUNCH ! PUNCH ! PUNCH ! PUNCH !_

_**" HOLY CRAP, KETCHUM ! I DIDN'T KNOW YOU CAN PACK SUCH A FIGHT ! "**_

Gary, Carid, Axletia, Lil' Condi, Lil' Rummy, Lil' Cheney, Tracey, and Kiba all watched Ash beat the crap out of Lil' Bush, who was crying and wetting his pants - (which is weird, because usually Ash is the one that does that.)

**_" YEAH ! I TOLD YOU ALREADY IT WAS NOT ME THAT PICKED YOUR NOSE AT THE WORLD'S FAIRRR ! "_** Lil' Bush screeched. " I'm getting humiliadated ! "

Ash threw Lil' Bush across the room. " I'm not mad about that ! YOU STOLE MY ACTION FIGURE ! "

O.o " What the f-- are you talking about ? "

" GEODUDE !! "

" Uh, that wasn't me. "

" LIAAAARRRRR ! "

TACKLE !

As the two kids tackled each other, everyone else sweatdropped. Carid put a hand to her head. " Yeah... we all know they're both up to a trip to the principal's office..."

* * *

(Ten minutes later...)

Miss Hartford, Miss Moo, and Principal Fairydust all glared at Ash and Lil' Bush. Ash just shrugged. Principal Fairydust rubbed his head. " You (hic) defiled the school on a nati(hic)onal school day ! How coul(hic)d you fight on MLK day ?! "

" I just can. And I never did get my chocolate milk from Lil' Bush's crappy secretary. "

Lil' Bush groaned. " Can't you guys let me off the hook ? I _was_ the victim, ya'll know. And my dad's, like, the president of America. "

Miss Moo sighed. " Fine, Bushy. Go. But you - (points at Ash) - you are going to have your parents come in ! "

" I don't have to listen to you ! " Ash replied. " You're not my teacher, you fat bitch ! "

Miss Hartford hit Ash in the back of the head with her ruler. " Why do kindergarteners like you think you can get away with cursing ? It must because you're retarded, " she muttered, evilly grinning at Ash.

" But, Miss Hartford ? You curse all the time. Does that make you retarded ? " Gary asked.

_" DON'T GET INVOLVED, OAK ! "_

" I'm just defending Ash's reputation, though. It's not our fault that you , Miss Hartford, are a menopausing bitch. "

_**SLAP ! FLAMETHROWER ! SWIRLIE ! PUNCH !**_

(Another ten minutes later...)

(Delia) " God, what the hell did those two do now ?! "

(Miss Hartford) " Besides calling me a bitch ? "

-.- - (glares at Ash...)

_SLAP ! SLAP ! SLAP ! SLAP !_

_**" I TOLD YOU NOT TO DISRESPECT YOUR ELDERS, ASH ! "**_

" Thanks, Miss Ketchum, but do you mind not whacking your son until after I decide the punishment ? Or, at least whack Gary first. "

(Gary) " Whaddya I do ? I only called Miss Hartford a bitch and defended Ash's honor ! Ash was the one that pummeled Lil' Bush into Play-Doh ! "

(Ash) " Wow. _Thanks_ a lot, Oak. "

" No problem, Ketchum. "

" So... where is the idiot husband and Oaky's dumb father ? " Miss Hartford inquired.

-sigh- " I'm having problems with the husband. And I think Stephen is somewhere battling Yeti. "

"...okay, then. As far as the punishment goes, the brats have to pick garbage up from the parking lot. Fair enough ? "

" I guess... "

(Principal Fairydust) " Hey, lady. - (points at Delia) - You're pretty hot. I'll (hic) do you (hic) any(hic)time. "

" Uh... not interested. Come on, Ash and Gary. You two are grounded. "

Delia left with a pain in her head. Ash looked at Gary , and he shrugged. " See, Ketchum ? This is why I hate learning. "

" Yeah. Our edumacation sucks. "

-sighs-

End

_What will I do next ? I don't know. Probably either Groundhog Day or Presidents Day. Still making up my mind..._


	9. Chapter 9: President's Day

Chapter 9 : President's Day

_Off of hiatus ! YAY ! _

* * *

Ash - 5 - does not like school ; recently kissed Gary on the lips

Gary - 5 - does not like school ; is very creeped out by Ash's kiss ; still hates teacher

Axletia - 5 - very dominant ; crush on Gary ; has grown

Carid - 6 - likes school , and is a brainiac ; does not like the teacher

Tracey Sketchit - 6 - likes drawing ; lived in the woods before he got a forced education by the police ; person who the kids beat up on

Daisy Oak - 8 - Gary's older sister - second grader

Teacher - pretty old and ugly

* * *

(1 p.m. - President's Day...)

_**" HEY ! YOUR MOTHER TOLD YOU TO GET UP TWO HOURS AGO, RED ! NOW GET UP ! "**_

-yaaaawn- " Okay, Dad. "

" Good. "

As Giovanni stepped out of Ash's room, the little boy rolled back under the covers and covered his head with the pillow. " Sucker, " he muttered.

* * *

(1 : 15 ...)

(Ash) - zzzzzzzzzzzz...

**BROOM ' D !**

" Redford Ash Ketchum, get your heinie up _now !_ " Delia growled.

" But, Mommy ! It's President's Day ! It's my off day ! "

" I don't care ! Little boys should not be sleeping in this late ! "

" Okay, you convinced me, Mommy. I'll get up, " Ash muttered.

" All right. "

Delia nodded. The covers kicked off, and Ash was seen holding a tub of butter. " No, Mommy ! Don't take Mr. Butter away from me ! I told you I'd get up ! _NOOOOOO !_ _Mr. BUTTEEEEEER ! "_  
(2 : 30 ...0.0)

* * *

Gary knocked on the door. " Hell_ooooo _! Come on, Ash ! We're supposed to go bathtub jousting today while poking Tracey with a stick ! "

Tracey nodded. " Yeah, Ash ! This was the only day of the week that I didn't have anything scheduled ! "

**PUNCH !**

" Shut up, Sketchit. No one cares what you think. "

Carid suddenly popped up, along with Axletia and Daisy. " What are you two idiots doing here ? " she asked.

" Waiting on Ash, " Gary replied.

-.- " Bathtub jousting ? " Daisy inquired.

" No, Daisy. What do you take me for ? A retard ? "

" Yeah. You have 'Bathtub Jousting' written on your head with..._A SHARPIE ?! "_

" Oh...how'd that get there ? "

Axletia raised a hand. " I bet ten dollars that Mr. Oak did it ! "

Gary kicked a can. " Darn it, Axletia. Now I have to save ten dollars ! "

The five year old girl grinned. " Okay ! I'm going to try and swallow a quarter now ! "

" And we're going to make a clubhouse to keep you retards out of our faces, " Daisy added, nudging Carid.

" ' Kay ! "

" Okay, " Carid said, shrugging. " See you losers tomorrow ! "

Gary rolled his eyes as he started knocking on the door again.

* * *

(meanwhile - )

(Ash) " No, Mr. Buttercup ! You can't have the medulla oblongata ! It's mine ! _**MIIIIIINNNNNE ! "**_ (still sleeping...)

* * *

(4:00 ...O.O!)

Gary started to bang his head on the door. " Ketchum, I'm going to kill you ! Tracey already left to dress in makeup ! Now get up, darn you ! "

-knock-knock-knock-_KNOCK-**KNOCK!-**_

Delia finally answered the door, glaring at Gary. " Gary, I was taking a nap. I don't need you pounding on our door every two seconds. "

" Oh, sorry, Mrs. Ketchum, but is Ash home ? I've been here for a long time ! "

" Well, I'm not sure, sweetie. Unless...oh, got damn it ! He must have went back to sleep ! Hold on. "

Delia shut the door again and Gary scratched his head. The next thing you know is Ash once again running away from his mother, but this time in a George Washington wig and an Abraham Lincoln hat. Meanwhile, Gary sweatdropped and sighed. " This is the last time I ever depend to one of Ketchum's promises. "

* * *

(5 : 15)

After a few smacks to the head, Ash and Gary were finally in Ash's room. Gary was glaring at Ash. " Thanks a lot, Ash. You ruined our plans of bathtub jousting. Today was our only weekday off until spring break ! Now we have to wait until then ! "

Ash grinned. " Sorry, buddy. By the way, where's your dad at ? "

" Duck hunting. "

" Oh...and the Professie ? "

XO " Would you quit calling him that ?! He's the Profess -_ or !_ And he went with Dad. "

" So...how did you manage being by yourself, Oaky ? "

" Well, that's easy. I climbed up the fireplace so Dad wouldn't find me. Also, I told him that I was going to be with Carid all day. "

" Well, if I told him I was going to be with you all day, he would've forced me to come ! "

" Oh. So...you want to stay for dinner ? Mom's making fish. "

" Sure. "

" Sweet ! I can't wait to tell Dad ! "

O.o " I can. "

* * *

(6:00 p.m. - dinnertime)

It was a tense sight in the Ketchum household. Ash's dad kept glaring at Gary, who poked at a piece of fish. " Don't you have your own house to live in and eat dinner ? " he growled.

" Oh, no, Mr. Ketchum, " Gary replied. " My dad went out duck hunting. "

" Typical Oak. Anyway, what time did you wake up, Ash ? "

" Uh...Mom says around four, " Ash said, tearing a piece of fish with his teeth.

" I wish you'd wake up earlier. Too much sleep is bad for a person, especially for a five year old. "

Ash shrugged. " Miss Hartford says it's okay since she gets to use the ruler on tardy students. "

Giovanni wagged his fork. " Your teacher is a b- (foot stomp)...never mind. Anyway, can either one of you two tell me about a president ? "

Gary raised his hand. " George Washington. He was the first president of America. He was the one with the wig. His teeth were supposedly made of wood, but they weren't. He ch- "

" Wait a minute, " Ash interrupted. " You're telling me that George Washingmachine told a lie about his teeth ? "

" It's an urban legend, honey, " Delia said. " Now let Gary continue. "

" But, Mom ! George wasn't from Urban ! He was from the country ! "

" Ash, it's just a term. Now let the Oak kid continue before I throw my fork at you. "

Gary sweatdropped. " ' Kay. Anyway, he chopped the cherry tree. He was also a general, and he served two terms. "

Delia smiled. " Wow. I'm impressed. What about you, Ash ? "

" Uh, what about me, Mom ? I swear I didn't take a pee on that plant - it was Gary ! "

-.- " I hate you, " Gary muttered.

" No...not that. Do you know anything about a president ? "

" Of course I do ! Abram Linecone ! "

" That's Abra_ham _Lin_coln ! _" Giovanni muttered.

" Oh...really ? "

Silence ruled for five minutes before Ash's face turned a light red. " Of course ! I was just testing you ! Anyway, Abraham Lincoln was called Honest Abe. He was our fifth president ! "

" Uh, no he wasn't, " Gary interrupted. " He's on the five dollar bill. He's the sixteenth president. "

" Quit lying ! Everyone knows that Abraham was th- "

" Sixteenth president , " everyone else said.

" Oh. Anyway, he had that hat. He had received it from Frosty the Snowman ! "

" No, Ash, " Gary said. " Frosty was after Lincoln. "

" Oh. Well, I know one more fact ! He was a short, fat man ! "

" No, Lincoln was a tall,skinny man ! " Gary corrected.

" Really ? Wow. Jack Frost could have kicked his butt ,then ! "

Gary groaned. Delia slowly left the table. Giovanni glared at Ash. " How the hell does the Oak kid know about presidents ?! "

" Oh, that's easy, " Gary replied. " Ash gave me these tapes of presidents a few months ago ! Now I know every president up to the twentieth president ! "

" Hey, you can shut up about it , " Ash whispered.

" So...this is the last time I ever give you anything educational. "

" No problem, Dad. Education sucks. "

Giovanni cursed under his breath as he left the room. Gary tutted. " Wow, Ash. You really are an idiot. "

_" SHUT UP ! "_

End

* * *

_Nice. I do believe the next chapter will be April Fool's Day. (laughs evilly) _


	10. Chapter 10 : Good Ol' Prank Day

Chapter 10 : Good Ol' Prank Day

_I'm pretty sure this is the most screwed up chapter yet. Palletshipping. (at least...on Ash's side.) _

* * *

Ash - 5 - does not like school ; recently kissed Gary on the lips

Gary - 5 - does not like school ; is very creeped out by Ash's kiss ; still hates teacher

Axletia - 6 - very dominant ; crush on Gary ; has grown

Carid - 6 - likes school , and is a brainiac ; does not like the teacher

Tracey Sketchit - 6 - likes drawing ; lived in the woods before he got a forced education by the police ; person who the kids beat up on

Kiba Inuzuka - 6 - Naruto character

Naruto Uzumaki - 6 - Naruto character ; has A.D.D. and is Nine Tails Fox ; is in Miss Moo's class Teacher - pretty old and ugly

* * *

Spring finally came in Pallet Town. Flowers bloomed, bake sales were made, _(and Ash's parents finally divorced, but that's a loooong story_).

So finally it was April 1st, a.k.a. April Fool's Day. Ash seemed depressed about something. It was about twenty minutes before he had to take the bus to school. He was waiting with Gary, Carid, and Axletia as usual. Gary noticed this. " Hey, Ketchum. What's wrong ? You seem a bit down today. "

" Eh. Look, it's April 1st, and we haven't even made a plan to hurt the school, " Ash said. " Where will our legacy be in five years when we're big fifth graders ? "

" You're right, Ash, " Gary muttered. " We have got to find a way to get Miss Hartford and everyone else mad to the core. "

" Oh, God, " Carid said. " You guys are going to make another stupid plan, aren't you ? "

" They sure are, " Axletia replied. " Look, Gary has his Red Crayon of Death out. "

"_ Great_. "

* * *

(School...)

Ash, Gary, Tracey, Kiba, and a student from Miss Moo's class named Naruto Uzumaki stood around a toilet in a bathroom stall. Gary banged on a plastic gavel. " Okay, did we check the stalls ? "

Tracey nodded. " Yes, Mr. Oak. "

Ash cleared his throat. " Okay, then. Today is April 1st, the day that we all get together to trash this place. Do we have any ideas ? "

" I need to pee, believe it ! " Naruto hissed.

" Not yet ! " Gary warned. " Anyway, we have to make sure we don't get caught by the fat-assed Miss Moo, or the psychopath bitch, Miss Hartford. What do we do ? "

" Heck, I say we burn everything ! " Ash replied.

-.- " Okay, nobody listen to Ketchum because he's had _waaay_ too much sugar. "

Ash scowled. Kiba raised his hand. " Why don't we set our pee on fire ? It will leave one bad stench in the hallways. "

" We need something better, " Tracey said. " Something...more destructive. "

" Wow. Sketchit finally has a good point, " Naruto said, gawking at Tracey.

" Hmm...I have the best prank ever, " Ash said. " I have a chemistry set in my backpack. Maybe...we can flood all the toilets ! "

Gary snapped a finger. " Cool ! Let's try it ! "

* * *

(9 : 15 a.m. - Miss Hartford's classroom)

" Okay, kids. How was your spring break ? " Miss Hartford said in a dull voice.

" Okay, " the kids said.

The old teacher shuddered. " Damn. Anyway, we have surprise guests today. Stupid brats...meet the preschoolers. "

A bunch of three and four old kids started coming out into the room. Most of the kids sweatdropped. Miss Hartford took a chug at her flask. " This sucks. "

* * *

(9 : 15 a.m. - in the bathroom)

" So...how do we make the toilets go _BOOM _? " Naruto asked.

" I'm thinking, I'm thinking ! "Ash hissed.

" You can hurry up, though, Ketchum, " Gary muttered.

" Oh, give me a break, Oaky. I'm five ! Now let me think, darn it ! "

Ten minutes passed before a click was heard in Ash's head. " By Jove, I think I got it ! "

* * *

-tick-tick-tick-tick-ti-

(9 : 30 a.m. - Principal Fairydust's office)

" Okay...Mr. Juan, is it ? "

" Oui, oui, piggy. "

" So...why do you want to be the vice principal ? " Principal Fairydust asked.

" Well, I just love kids. They're s_ooo_ adorable ! I have a son myself - he's twenty. Every day after school I would make him sandwiches before I violate- I mean...played violent video games with him. "

" Oh ? What kind ? "

" Grand Theft Auto. Spyro. That one game with the purple dinosaur. "

" Oh. Hmm...what kind of creden(hic)tials do you have ? "

Juan fiddled with his mustache. " Well...I'm a gym leader. I worked at a daycare. And I make excellent martinis ! "

" Wow. Let me think about it. I'll tell you...around...11 : 15. "

" Deal. "

* * *

(9 : 45 a.m. - Miss Hartford's classroom)

Two preschoolers were on a desk. Three preschoolers were peeing on the floor. Most of the kindergarteners were huddled up in one corner. Carid and Axletia looked at Miss Hartford, and then at each other. " Uh, Teacher ? " Axletia asked. " Are you all right ? "

" No, I'm not, " Miss Hartford croaked. " These little bastards tie for worst hellions with Oak and Ketchum...where are they, anyway ? "

Carid shrugged. " Eh. We don't know. "

" Oh. "

* * *

(9 : 50 a.m. - in the bathroom)

" Okay...and we're done, " Ash said, holding the chemical bag in his hand.

" So...put it in the toilet, then, " Kiba said.

" All righty, then ! "

**KABOOM !**

The toilets immediately started to overflow with water. All five kids sweatdropped. Gary gasped. " Oh, crap, this is just like C.S.I. "

" What do we do ? " Ash asked.

" Uh, we run. Find an exit route. "

-poof!-

Ash turned a fiery shade of red. " Those airheads ! Inuzuka, Sketchit, and Uzumaki ditched us ! "

" Those _bastards_. They will pay. "

" Hmm. Let's go. "

" Right. "

* * *

(9 : 50 a.m. - Principal Fairydust's office) - Fairydust's POV

Oh, damn, I need a drink. I think I might just let that fruity guy be the vice principal.

Let's see...what drink should I have today ? Beer ? Scotch ? Long Island Ice Tea ? A bottle of whiskey, just like my daddy drank in the war ?

Eh...another glass of Rummy Boy should do it.

* * *

tick-tick-tick-tick-ti

(10 : 00 a.m. - Miss Hartford's classroom)

" Where the _hell_ is Ash and Gary at ?! " Carid demanded. " They're going to get into so much trouble. "

" Yeah...Gary. "

" Are you listening to me, Axletia ?! "

" No. "

Carid sighed and threw a square block at the wall. " These stupid preschoolers don't make any matters any better, either. "

" Yeah, who let them here today, anyway ? "

" I don't know. They're just driving me crazy. "

* * *

(10 : 15 a.m. - hallways)

" So...you made a bag that's going to blow up the whole school ?! " Gary demanded. " Ketchum, you are the biggest idiot that I know ! "

" I know. We have about an hour before it blows. "

Gary stopped to an abrupt halt. " Uh, where are we, anyway ? "

" Fifth grader hallway, " Ash breathed. " I never dreamed of seeing anything as beautiful as this architecture. "

" Yeah...seems very romantic. "

Ash looked at Gary. " Gary...since we might die anyway, I want to tell you something. The New Year's thing...it was no fluke. I have a crush on you, Gary. "

" Oh. "

" Can I...kiss you. "

Gary sweatdropped. " Are you serious, dude ?! I don't like you that way ! "

" I know, but since we're going to die and going to Hell, anyway..."

" Ketchum, five year olds do not go to Hell ! "

_**" WE'RE STILL GOING TO DIE ! "**_

Gary slapped a hand over Ash's mouth and smacked him on the head with his other hand. " Do you want us to get _caught_ ?! " he angrily whispered. " Fine. I guess I'll kiss you. "

He shoved Ketchum against the wall and kissed him on the lips. Ash blushed as he dropped the bag.

Finally, both boys looked at each other. Gary glared at Ash. " You tell anybody about this and you will die, Ketchum. "

" ...Agreed. "

* * *

(10 : 25 a.m. - Principal Fairydust's office)

" (hic) That's a good rum. Want some, Juan ? "

" No, sir. "

Principal Fairydust let out an alcoholic induced giggle. " You're my buddy, Juan ! "

" Same here. "

The two men started hugging each other. Suddenly, the principal nudged Juan. " Uh, do you want some granola bars ? My ho made it. "

" That lady Miss Hartford ? "

" Uh, that's her name ? Whoa. I _have _been drinking too much. "

* * *

(10 : 40 a.m. - Miss Hartford's classroom)

" Uh, Miss Hartford ? " someone asked. " Where is the water coming from ? "

" Damned leaky pipes. "

" Oh. "

The teacher groaned as she slammed a textbook against her head. " I hate this school. "

A bunch of preschoolers peed on the chalkboard. Miss Hartford sweatdropped. " Damn it, Steve. "

* * *

(10 : 55 a.m. - bathroom)

The water gurgled.

A couple of toilets exploded.

Three squirrels exploded.

And four Squirtle were playing poker.

Just waiting for the inevitable **DOOM.**  
(11 : 13 a.m. - hallways)

* * *

" Look ! " Ash cried. " It's the exit ! "

Gary cursed. " Crap, we're not going to make it out of here in time ! "

Ash paled. " We have only one way to get out of here. "

" What's that ? "

" I'm gonna push you out forcibly. "

O.o " No, Ketchum ! That's _suicide_ ! You can't do it ! "

" Gary, I have a temporary crush on you. It's the only way. "

**-PUSH ! -**

Gary was pushed outside of the school, falling to the ground. Ash came afterwards, falling on top of him. The black haired boy grabbed Gary's shirt collar and dragged him away.

Gary looked admiringly at Ash. " You're a good friend, Ketchum. "

" No, don't you dare die on me ! " Ash screamed. " We're gonna make it, Oaky ! We're going to make it, damn it ! "

With adrenaline-based force, Ash threw Gary ten feet right in front of a tree. Ash covered himself and Gary with the bag.

-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick

_KA -_ _**BOOOOOOOOOOOOM !**_

Everyone was flooded out. Kids and teachers scurried out of the school, drenched in water. Ash sighed in relief. " It's over, Gary. "

" Thanks, Ketchum. "

" Now we have to hide out. I only know one place - Dad's temporary apartment. "

Gary wobbly stood up. " Yeah, let's get away from this dump. "

* * *

(Meanwhile...)

_**OAAAAAAAK ! KETCHUUUUUUM ! "**_

* * *

(12 : 00 p.m. - apartment in Viridian...)

" So...how long do you think we have before we die ? " Gary inquired.

" I dunno. "

" Your mom will be so mad at us. "

" I know. I give it two hours. "

" So...how did you get access to your dad's apartment ? "

" Swiped his spare keys. "

Gary chugged at a can of Pepsi. " Yeah...we're dead. "

" But still, it was worth i- "

Suddenly the door slammed, and the two boys were face-to-face with Giovanni, who sweatdropped. " What the hell are you two kids doing here ?! "

Ash cleared his throat. " A very good reason, Dad. If the school calls over here, we are not here. We are dead because of some sex addict raping us. "

_**" WHAT DID YOU TWO DO ?! "**_

" _Nothing..."_ both boys trailed off.

The phone started ringing. Giovanni answered it. " Uh, hello ? "

" Yes, is a Gary Oak and a Ash Ketchum here ? "

" Unfortunately, yes. What the hell did they do ? "

" Why don't you ask the flooded school ?! "

Giovanni gave a death glare at Ash before continuing the conversation. " How did this happen ? "

" There was a chemical bag in a toilet. The perfect crime for two ten year olds. "

-.- " They're_ five_. "

" Oh...really ? "

" I'll deal with them. "

-_**CLICK!-**_

Ash tugged at Gary's sleeve. " Let's g- "

**YANK !**

" No, you're not, " Giovanni muttered, clinging to Ash's collar. " You two are going home. "

" But why, Dad ? You always say that living as an outcast is great. "

" Yeah, and that got me thrown out of the house and divorced. Now, let's go. "

* * *

(2 : 20 p.m.)

_**" COURT DATE ?! "**_ Delia roared. " You got a _court date_ on _Memorial Day_ ?! "

" Pranks pay, " Ash muttered.

" Redford Satoshi Ketchum, you and Gary go to your room. "

" Bu - "

_**" NOW ! "**_

Gary glared at Ash. " Why am I friends with you ? "

" We're both juvenile deliqueens. "

" It's deliquents. "

" Oh, that too. "

End

_Will Juan become vice principal ? What happened to the preschoolers ? Will Ash ever get his vocabulary right ? And what will happen to the other boys ? Find out in the next chapter ! (mwahahaha!)_


	11. Chapter 11 : Epilogue Court Date

Epilogue : Court Date : End of Year

_Pretty sucky last chapter, but...it is the epilogue, so no whining or cookies will be thrown. _

* * *

Ash - 5 - does not like school ; facing charges

Gary - 5 - does not like school ; is very creeped out by Ash's kiss ; facing charges

Axletia - 6 - very dominant ; crush on Gary ; has grown ;

Carid - 6 - likes school , and is a brainiac ; does not like the teacher

Tracey Sketchit - 6 - likes drawing ; lived in the woods before he got a forced education by the police ; person who the kids beat up on

Teacher - pretty old and ugly

* * *

The school had been shot down. The flood had ravaged most of the classrooms. It destroyed textbooks, chalkboards, (and killed Juan, but he would later be revived to life due to being half Shinigami.)

So, since the school board had a pretty crappy budget, everyone decided that the last day of school would be the court date for Ash and Gary. Luckily for Tracey, Kiba, and Naruto, they were never caught (but got a serious beating).

Now it was the last day - Memorial Day. All of the kids were watching from far away the two kindergartener's court date.

Ash and Gary stood at one bench, with collared t-shirts and formal shorts. Both were snickering.

The jury included Miss Hartford, the principal, Miss Moo, and the whole kindergarten grade.

The judge snorted. " Okay. Redford Satoshi Ketchum and Garrison Solomon Oak, do you swear to say the whole truth, the truth, and nothing but the truth ? "

Ash grinned happily. " Hell yeah, Bastard Judge ! "

" Yeah ! We'll be happy to swear the truth ! That woman is a bitch ! " Gary cried, pointing to Miss Hartford. " And we have to smell gotdamn crap all the time ! It really sucks, Bastard Judge ! "

The judge groaned. " I don't mean swear - swearing. I mean swear - loyalty ! "

" Ohhh ! " Ash replied. " Just like the Plague of Aliens ? "

-.- " That's _Pledge_ of _Allegiance_, " Gary corrected.

The judge gave a sigh. " Anyway, let's get this done and over with. Did you or did you not flood the school ? "

Ash nodded. " Yeah, but I was possessed by a poltergeist. "

" And I'm on crack ! " Gary added.

" Okay...are you lying ? "

(Both) " Yes, Sir Bastard Judge. "

_**" IT'S JUDGE RISI !**_ So...you admit it ? "

Ash grinned. " Of course ! It was prank day, after all ! "

Judge Risi sweatdropped. " Okay. You two are sentenced to two years of Juvie. And as for the school...it was a piece of crap, anyway. "

Principal Fairydust started bawling his eyes out. Miss Hartford cackled. " Finally ! I'm free from these sons of bitches ! "

Carid raised her hand. " Wait a minute. Your Honor, whatever happened to those slobbering preschoolers ? "

Everyone grunted. The judge shrugged. Principal Fairydust stood up from the bench. " Easy ! I shot everyone of those little mofos ! They all sucked ! "

" Okay, then..."

Axletia giggled. " I threw a seventh-grader's prealgebra math book at one of them ! It was _fuuuun !_ "

She giggled as she ran out of the courtroom. Judge Risi took a swig at his cup of coffee. " Okay. Balliff, before things get weirder, get these two kindergarteners to Juvie ! "

The balliff nodded. As he tried to grab Ash and Gary, though, the two little boys threw a smoke bomb at the area, confusing everyone and giving them a way to escape.

Gary groaned. " Where do we go , Ketchum ?! "

Ash grabbed Gary's hands tightly. " We drive...the shopping cart. "

He shoved Gary into the shopping cart, jumped in, and started to steer the wheel. Both of them waved a Japanese flag in the air, laughing maniacally. " _**HAPPY END OF YE - EAR ! "**_ they both screamed...

...before jumping into the pond.

* * *

In the end, the punishment of Juvie for Ash and Gary was dismissed. Instead, everyone in the school board decided that since they, Carid, Axletia, Tracey, Kiba, and Naruto were somehow one big league, they had banned them from ever coming to that school again. It had seriously pissed off Carid, seeing as she didn't do anything, but that was the curse of being Ash's cousin. Daisy was banned too, but she didn't like the school, anyway.

Anyway, everything turned out well for the kids. _(Except for Ash and Gary, who were grounded for a full month, but nobody really gave a freaking damn.)_

_End_

So, review if you want. Really don't care.


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